In defence of the office Christmas party

Welcome back to Working It. I’m Bethan Staton, the FT’s deputy Work and Careers editor. It’s been a busy one for the FT this week.

On Monday, we had the FT and Schroders Business Book of the Year Award — a celebration of some of 2024’s best non-fiction. I highly recommend the winner: Parmy Olson’s Supremacy, which tells the story of the rivalry between the founders of artificial intelligence trailblazers Open AI and Google Deepmind. It’s great — a fascinating, sometimes alarming study of two people playing a major hand in our future, that will make you reflect on the concentration of power in tech. The other shortlisted books, which you can read about here, are also well worth a look.

Last night, too, we had the FT’s staff Christmas party. I’m not proud to admit I left early — something I think of as more dull than responsible — but I’m happy to be able to catch up on the gossip with a fresh head today. 

For more thoughts on seasonal socialising, and how to navigate it if you’re a manager, read on. 

The most wonderful time of the year

There’s no one way to approach the office Christmas party. Some dig out their best velvet and sequins, and toast company successes with genuine festive joy. Others drain the free bar and gossip with disgruntled co-conspirators. There are those who avoid it altogether: why unnecessarily spend free time with people we’re forced to sit next to 9-5? 

With all due respect to misanthropic readers, I’m in the pro-Christmas party camp. You don’t have to be a live-to-work type to enjoy them. Socialising with colleagues adds a dimension of fun, care and connection to the time we spend in our jobs: at its best, it means we create relationships that mean more than KPIs, developing solidarity or friendship.

“They’re a really good activity for building social bonds, and a shared reality that makes us feel closer to people,” science writer David Robson says. Festive bash-adjacent activities like dancing, singing, eating and drinking, he explains, create “neural synchronisation” between people, increasing intimacy and trust. “Neurologically speaking, our brains are working in the same way. The boundaries between the self and other become blurred.”

Could screeching All I Want for Christmas Is You with the sales team really be so . . . transcendent? Robson points me to reams of studies that suggest this might not be far-fetched, and that neural synchrony leads to profound social connection. That goes some way to explaining why I like karaoke so much, but it also helps in the office. “You’re paying attention,” says Robson. “You’re less likely to have miscommunication between yourself and colleagues.” One German study found employees who did synchronised exercises together took fewer sick days and experienced less work-related stress.

When dealing with workplace politics and hierarchies, however, things become more complicated. Katie Best, a leadership coach and visiting fellow at the London School of Economics, says one challenge of moving into a management position is realising that raucous bonding with co-workers may no longer be appropriate. If you’re heading a team, she says, Christmas parties are “aimed more at junior staff and are much less for you”. Those in positions of authority and trust need to be mindful about maintaining it, even as staff let their hair down. 

That means senior leaders should be a little more guarded about their approach at the office Christmas party and refrain from going wild. “Go full of enthusiasm with no judgement on others — unless someone is doing something really inappropriate,” Best says. “You definitely want to leave before it gets messy. Your staff don’t want you to be putting them in a taxi.”

She can think of a couple of exceptions to the rule – charismatic managers who have a reputation for partying, but enjoy deep goodwill and command natural authority. Unfortunately, these are the minority (she literally knows of two people). So however much of a “cool” boss you think you might be, it’s safe to assume you’re not one of the few who gets away with pushing it.

That doesn’t mean senior staff can’t show a different side than they would during a board meeting. Christmas parties are a “good opportunity for managers to disclose a bit of themselves” and build more human relationships with colleagues, Best says, perhaps by revealing a little about what’s actually going on in their lives, good or bad.

Robson has a name for this phenomenon: the “beautiful mess effect”. It’s not an approach I immediately think many senior leaders would aspire to channel, but he assures me it’s about authenticity rather than being a charming disaster. “When leaders show vulnerabilities, something they might feel ashamed of, it increases loyalty because people want to see the human side” he adds. “Where you choose to place your boundaries is very personal.”

This week on the Working It podcast

As it’s peak office Christmas party week*, writes Isabel Berwick, we’re returning to a classic episode of the podcast, in which guests Stephen Bush and Viv Groskop, both seasoned party survivors, tell us how they get through (clue: it’s all in the pre-loading of carbs) and what to do when it all Goes Very Wrong.

*I could have done with listening to this episode before I attended the FT’s own Christmas party last night. At least I spared everyone my dancing this year💃.

Dear Jonathan 📩

The problem: Our student child is coming home for Christmas this weekend🎄 and I’m wondering how to manage the conversation about what they are going to do after university, I don’t think they are making an effort to find a job, nor do I think they realise how competitive it is out there. But if I hector, they’ll disengage. How to handle it?

Jonathan Black’s advice: After the returning student has caught up on sleep, the first thing is to find out why they are not engaging in what you see as an essential task. Try not to transmit your anxiety to them, which will escalate the situation. 🧨

They may not be engaging because they think there is no point (“there aren’t any jobs anyway”); perhaps because they don’t yet know what they want to do, or because they are worried about the process and fearing failure. On this last point, they will have heard lots of stories from friends about them making 100 applications and getting only one interview. Any and all of these are legitimate reasons to lack enthusiasm for the process and continue to live in the present.

Try exploring what they are anxious about and challenge any anecdote-based examples of “evidence”. The vast majority of graduates will get some sort of job after leaving university. It may not be the exact job they want, but it’s unlikely to be the last job they’ll ever have and in due course they’ll move.

If they fear failure and would rather not engage, then perhaps it’s OK not to make applications (who wants to be in the unsuccessful 139 out of 140 average number of applications for a job?) but it could be interesting to start collecting 📋 experiences to demonstrate all-important “employability skills”.

Employers can be risk-averse, preferring to recruit people who can show they’ve held down a role that requires turning up on time, staying all day/shift, broadly following instructions, and showing some initiative. Your student can do this through volunteering, organising a student society, or working a part-time role in a café/supermarket/warehouse or wherever.

By the time the student graduates, the job market could well be different, they’ll have more experiences to talk about and can demonstrate important skills. They may still choose not to apply for permanent work, but the barrier to doing so may be lower.

They may also have worked out what they might want to do ✅, and just as importantly, what they don’t ❎. If relatives around the Christmas table want to get involved, they could offer introductions to people in roles that might be of interest so the student could at least talk to them about the job. Before you know it, a formerly disheartened student is engaging with meeting people, picking up some skills, and perhaps feeling a little more in control.

Jonathan Black is director of the Oxford university careers service. Email your career dilemmas to [email protected]

Five top stories from the world of work

1. How employers can set local salaries in a globally competitive world: When companies recruit staff from territories with vastly different average wages and costs of living, how should they fix salaries? This smart piece digs into the data.

2. Parmy Olson on AI: ‘It’s not uncontrollable’: The FT’s Business Book Award winner speaks about the race between AI’s most influential founders — and the battle for proper oversight of the powerful technology.

3. Workers in England more likely to be overqualified than global peers: More than one-third of employees older than 25 reported having higher education levels than their role required, reflecting a failure to create graduate jobs outside London.

4. My awkward brush with green shaming: When columnist Pilita Clark told colleagues she’d swerved on buying an electric car, one was not pleased. It prompted reflection on the usefulness of lambasting friends for environmental failures.

5. United Health shooting prompts corporate security rethink: “Could this happen to us?” is the question on some business leaders’ minds, after the shooting of Brian Thompson. Some industries are more vulnerable than others.

One more thing . . . 

How do we balance the promise that technology can reduce harm with the risks that our lives become more surveilled or limited? This thoughtful piece from the New York Times highlights some of the difficult trade-offs involved. It reports on the AI systems that might prevent teen suicides, by alerting authorities to worrying language online. Lives could — and likely have — been saved, but unnecessary interventions and monitoring have left some young people traumatised and suspicious.