The dos and don’ts at top London hotels

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This article is part of FT Globetrotter’s guide to London

Managing a posh hotel is the greatest job in the world. You never know who — or what — might come through the door, and we get to see the best, the worst, the weirdest and the wildest behaviour that humanity has to offer. It’s a shame that we are rarely allowed to talk about it (unfortunately, rule one of hospitality is that what happens in the corridors stays in the corridors). 

Here at The Goring, like London’s other upscale hotels, we actually don’t have a lot of complicated rules, at least not in writing. But here are a few of the unwritten ones.

Please do . . . 

. . . feel free to wear your pyjamas down to the bar — you are meant to feel at home after all, so you’re most welcome act like it. Depending on the hotel, bathrobes may also suffice, but please: tight, double knots only. It’s tiresome that footwear is an insurance requirement in hotel public areas and restaurants, but a good pair of slippers will do.

. . . complain! Bottling things up is bad for you, and we appreciate having the chance to fix whatever we didn’t get right, preferably before you leave. Overcompensating for mistakes is one of the unshakeable tics of the hospitality professional; sorting stuff out gives us a chance to show off, and hopefully earn the affection we all crave (I think a lot of hotel managers didn’t get enough love from their mummies). When hotels have every imaginable shampoo, pillow type or firmness level of mattress, staff are happy want to bring them out for you.

. . . bear in mind that you’re on holiday. Even if you think you’re on business. Arrive with the intention of having a good time and you probably will, and of course enjoying yourself is infectious so you’ll be doing everybody else a favour. Our wonderful guests are particularly good at this and it is such a shame that under the oath of omertà I am not allowed to tell you any of the hair-raising stories about what they might get up to. Except there was this one time with this very famous actor in the toilets . . . 

. . . people-watch. Sitting in a hotel bar earwigging the other guests’ conversations is vulgar, naff and the absolute best way to spend an afternoon. London is blessed with some of the most marvellous hotel drinking holes in the world (The OWO, The Ritz, The Peninsula’s rooftop, Broadwick — you name it), so all you need is a generous date or a trust fund.

. . . utilise the concierge service — the weirder request, the better (but preferably legal). A good concierge is one of the best things about staying in a nice hotel. Whether it be insider tips on shops, coffee or restaurants, ideas for entertaining kids (large or small) or simply an embarrassing chemist-shop matter, this department will usually have you covered. Our head concierge, Big John, only has one sentence in his job description: Make Guests Smile. All you have to do is tell a concierge that you’re bored, and they will fix it. 

. . . turn up, or call and make a good excuse. We hoteliers are insecure and it hurts to be stood up, but we understand that your travel or dinner plans can change.

Maybe don’t . . . 

. . . be miserable (see above). The only solution to the inevitability of death is to enjoy whatever comes beforehand, preferably with a martini in hand.

. . . do Twitadvisor/Titter (or whatever they call it these days) and leave a negative review without offering the hotel a chance to remedy the situation. Being an internet troll isn’t very attractive, and as mentioned above, almost everything is fixable.

. . . wear shorts (unless you are under 12) or, of course, singlets. Anything else goes — try us. We once did a wedding for one of our favourite guests where every attendee, all of whom were glamorous ladies, arrived in top hat and tails — magnificent!

Jeremy Goring is CEO of London’s The Goring hotel. He has managed luxury hotels around the world for 30 years.

What’s the vibe at your favourite London hotel? Tell us in the comments below. And follow @FTGlobetrotter on Instagram