There’s nothing scarier than Elon at your front door with a large thermometer

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Messages from the archive of Rutherford Hall, critical communications strategist

WhatsApp to Stephen: What? And I thought I was the tough nut in this partnership. We are not going to go round to staff’s houses when they are off sick to check they are really ill. 

WhatsApp to Stephen: Two reasons. Number 1: we are not medically qualified. Number 2: this idea is being championed by a Tesla factory in Germany. Which part of “Tesla factory in Germany” screams “best of breed staff relations” at you? 

WhatsApp to Stephen: Seriously, is there anything more scary than the thought of Elon at your front door with a large thermometer? Listen, I know some of the team wind us up sometimes but our staff don’t throw sickies or plead illness. We are a professional outfit. Anyway forget about your plans to boost team morale. There’s big news out of Saudi.

WhatsApp to Stephen: Yeah, news reports suggest the kingdom is scaling back its international investments and with The Line already being reduced from the City of the Future to the size of a housing estate in Wolverhampton, it may be time to reconsider our presence there.

WhatsApp to Stephen: No it’s nothing to do with my being desperate to stop going there. Business is business. Although yes I am desperate to stop going there. 

WhatsApp to Stephen: I’m going to have to go there. Turns out this announcement was for domestic consumption. They are just tweaking the balance between domestic and foreign projects and there’s still tons of cash splashing around. They’ve done deals with Brookfield, and China is showing investment support. The sucker cash is still flowing. It is still a big money spinner for us and they value face time and loyalty. God knows I’d like to move our base back to Bahrain and I know most of their projects turn out to be lemons — but we haven’t squeezed this lemon dry.

WhatsApp to Stephen: I know I said I don’t want to go but I can’t keep finding excuses and calling in on Zoom. Personal presence, personal relationships are really important to them. Also how many bouts of Covid is realistic in a six-month period? I used it for the last meeting but I could tell they were annoyed and probably didn’t believe me. If I do it again they’ll be sending Elon round.


From [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Greetings, A quick line to say I will be back in town next week and would be very keen to hear your latest thinking and how we can help. Just to let you know I’m hoping to expand our Riyadh office in the coming months. I know some others are moving to Bahrain but we remain committed to and excited by PIF’s vision. I was buoyed by your recent announcement. We see part of our mission as helping you bring projects home. It is a brilliant strategy to make anchor investment from PIF conditional on inward investment in national and regional projects. It’s time people realised it is not enough to take your cash and simply turn up for a tennis tournament.  

Best Rutherford

Find me on Strava, KoM Sydenham Hill, PR Al Jubailah/Bawdah Loop — 42 mins 

From [email protected]

To: [email protected]

My apologies. I was not diminishing the tennis. It was a wonderful advert for the kingdom and I wish I’d been well enough to get there myself. But didn’t want to bring Covid to Riyadh. Nor was I suggesting that you were being treated as suckers. No one who deals with you could think that. I was simply saying that turning up is not the real measure of commitment. Very much looking forward to our conversation next week.

Rutherford,

Find me on Strava . . . 

WhatsApp to Stephen: You won’t believe it. I actually have got Covid now. I’m meant to fly out tomorrow. What do I do? I don’t want to infect them but I told them I had it last month. I can’t say I’ve got it again, can I?


From [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Believe me, I am as shocked and irritated as you are. I was looking forward to breaking my personal best on the Al Jubailah/Bawdah Loop this visit. I must admit to being hurt that you would even think such a thing. Would you like me to send you a video of me taking another Covid test? I could hold a copy of today’s paper. Meanwhile, would you like a Zoom call or shall we just arrange to meet in two week’s time? Rutherford

Find me on Strava…

WhatsApp to Stephen: Do we still have the lease on the Bahrain office? Might be worth checking

Messages recovered by Robert Shrimsley

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