‘Aging in place has a shelf life’ and ‘caregiving never ends’: What this eldercare expert wants you to know

Loverde is not an estate lawyer, and she’s not a financial planner or even a social worker, but she has become recognized as a leading expert in eldercare issues almost by sheer force of will. She now spends her time traveling around the country speaking to groups that range from people in their 40s to older seniors, urging them to do the planning they need for themselves and for their elderly relatives. Her book “Who Will Take Care of Me When I’m Old” has become a rallying cry for the growing demographic of solo agers in the U.S., and her perennial bestseller, “The Complete Eldercare Planner,” is newly released in a fourth edition, fully updated for the postpandemic era. 

“COVID changed everything for caregiving,” says Loverde. “How we go about finding help is new. The help we assumed was there is no longer there. It’s a whole different world. So I rewrote the whole book.”

The eldercare guide itself has been on something of a lifelong journey. Loverde self-released the first version of it in the early 1980s as she was building her eldercare business, and then put out two more editions on her own. “Then I realized I needed a publisher, to really get out in the public arena,” Loverde says. The last edition was in 2009. “It has been selling like hot cakes all along,” she adds, and ranks high on Amazon for books on aging and social services. 

Loverde says most people who pick up her book are just starting to get an inkling that something is going on with an elderly parent, spouse or maybe even themselves, and they don’t know where to start. She launches into what you need to know with a section on seeing the signs that something is starting to go wrong — since dementia and other cognitive issues tend to affect the ability to handle money in subtle ways at first, like missing bill payments or unusual purchases.

Then Loverde goes down different paths you can take depending on your situation, listing the steps you need to take and resources that can help you along the way. “The book is written from many caregiver perspectives — spouse, sibling, LGBTQ+ partners. Everyone’s plans will be different,” Loverde says. 

The paths also take into consideration that needs change over time, and that caregivers often face new challenges — there’s always somebody new to take care of. 

“One thing I’ve learned is that caregiving never ends,” says Loverde. “I’m forever the caregiver, I had to help others understand the shifting of the gears.”

Take the much-desired plan of “aging in place” for seniors. “How many times do people say that phrase? Everyone says they want to age in place,” says Loverde. “But nobody knows how to age in place.” 

Loverde addresses this in her book by going through what you need to do to help somebody stay in their home — modify bathrooms and entrances, add alert systems and bring in help. She also delves into how to pay for those changes, and get help with finances. But then she also discusses the need to plan in case the person needs more help than is available at home. 

“People don’t realize that aging in place has a shelf life,” Loverde says.

The cobbler’s child

Who will care for Loverde when she’s old? It is something she thinks about all the time. She’s got plenty of people in her life — she’s married, and she has a daughter, who has four children, and her husband has two sons, so they have six children between them. But they are not her first line of defense. “I will not be solo ager, but I’m not planning on going to any of them,” says Loverde, who is based in Chicago.  “I see how busy my daughter is, she’s running her own company and raising kids.”

Her plan instead is to take care of the to-do list in her very own book so she and her husband can take care of themselves, and enjoy her children and grandchildren just for their company.

Loverde says the next thing up on her to-do list is convincing her spouse to start liquidating some real estate. “I don’t have the constitution to be a landlord,” she says. “He’s not ready yet, but I’m trying to help him understand that this is a need of mine.” 

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